THE DISTRACTION CALLED DATING

In our world today, young people are so crazed with the word dating. It has become so popular today, to the point it seems if you are not dating then something is wrong with you.

Every time I am asked the question who are you dating, and I say I don’t date, I usually receive this blank look that says it all. You don’t date? So what do you do?

I make friends, I build healthy relationships, I keep platonic friends, good friends who have similar focus as mine in life or at least are purposeful and goal oriented.

On one of those occasions the person asked me, do you think you will ever get married? I smiled and asked him back, what has dating got to do with marriage in the real sense of it? Then he said if you don’t date how will you ever get married?

I told him well I am sorry my brother but I think this is the greatest form of delusion ever. And so many people are living in this delusion. As long as I know and as long as I am concerned, dating is a distraction and a complete waste of time. It has got nothing to do with getting married staying married or being single.
In fact the whole “dating nonsense” has kept or left more people single than you can ever imagine. I have never dated anyone in my life in the real sense of it, but I cannot count the number of marriage proposals I have received in my life, starting even before I turned sixteen (thank God for the gift of a good parents). That I am single is not a reason of lack of marriage proposals, but rather my own decision. I believe before anyone goes into marriage they have to be ready and prepared for it. Also to be sure that you are going into it with the right person and you are also the right person for the other person involved and getting married at the right time, when you are psychological  matured and ready for it. Not necessary when the society wants you to marry but when you want to.

The funny thing is, most of these people coming to seek my hand in marriage had people they are dating or have been dating for 2,3,4,5 years etc. yet they have not proposed to them. According to them, the reasons being that they are not convinced about the person yet. They are still trying to find out if she/he is the right person for them. Meanwhile just meeting me and being friends from as earlier as one to three months they are proposing and begging to do anything for you, just for you to accept them as your husband.

My question now is who is deceiving who?

Mind you, all I needed to say to this people was a yes and they were ready to commence with the marriage rites accordingly. (Well marriage rites are a big deal for we Africans, Nigerians to be precise laughs… I love being African, rich marriage culture, I’m proudly Nigerian). When I looked at all this things happening around me I discover how much a waste of time dating is. Yes dating indeed is a distraction.

WHAT EXACTLY IS DATING?

According to Wikipedia, The most common idea is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they are compatible by going out together in public as a couple who may or may not yet be having sexual relations. This period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to engagement or marriage.

Different people might have different definitions of what dating is to them. For me dating is a complete distraction, a waste of time and a license to engage in premature/ premarital romance and sex.

Why do I give this definition to dating?

If you take a complete analysis of dating and friendship, there is actually nothing you get from dating that you can’t get from friendship. Except the fact that dating creates that room where it seems to be ok to do a little bit of touching, it doesn’t hurt, caressing, it still doesn’t hurt, kissing and finally sex.

In most of this instances the people involved in this whole process of dating do not really get to know their selves that well, because they are preoccupied with how to make there dating time interesting and fun. Planning of activities, where to go, what movie to watch etc. and the only time they get alone, romance follows and the date is over.

I had this friend of mine, who has been dating a lady for about two years now, the lady now happens to be my friend too through him. So I am friends with the both of them. I got so interested in the way their whole dating process was going and how long it has taken and I am not seeing any progress.

So I asked the guy involved what exactly is going on? Why have you not yet proposed to this girl, when are you two getting married? Well I can be very nosy sometimes I agree; I don’t know how to keep quiet when I see something going wrong around me, especially with my friends.

To my amazement his response was, we are still trying to know ourselves. I was shocked! Are you kidding me, you guys have been dating for two years and you are yet to know yourselves? Well that’s the truth was his response. You know me better than she does, there are so many things you know about me that she does not know about me. So what exactly have you guys been doing all this years of dating was my question. I decided to ask the girl in question, and she said I love him but I am not really sure if he is the one, besides he has not proposed so we are still getting to know ourselves better.

While did I decide to bring this story here, I just want to establish the fact that in most cases those who engage in dating hardly “get to know themselves” as they say is the purpose of the dating. It only builds so much tension for the two people involve, sexual and perfection tension etc. they are trying so hard to make their dates effective, fun and standard, that they forget what was the purpose of the dating in the first place.

In the atmosphere of good friendship, you are free to talk about anything, being yourself, not trying to impress anyone. You have more time to talk to yourselves about yourselves and other areas of interest in live. You are not preoccupied with what kind of outing you should go for, what should be your location etc. it just comes natural, this person is your friend.

So you have more time to get to know this person with no or less sexual tension. You are free around them and at home when they are around. You don’t have to get fixed before you meet with your friend but with your date you have to be fixed. So friendship to me is natural, dating is staged.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against those who choose to date, is just a matter of understanding, choice and personality differences. The idea I don’t like, is making dating look compulsory as if is something that must be done, in other to get married or have a successful marriage.

Talking from the Christian point of view, the Bible does not teach dating and is totally silence about it. I’m I in anyway saying dating in itself is a sin?  No not at all.  All I am saying is, dating is really not a necessity in the real sense of it, and should not be made a standard for young people. Especially for those who wants to stay sexually pure or practice abstinence till marriage.

Don’t let anyone pressurize you into getting on any dating. Build good friends and marry your friend. Nothing is more important than the fact that the person you are getting married to, you know him/her to a great percentage, you know their strengths and weaknesses and you are very at home with them and ready to cover them in their areas of weaknesses. Living in the consciousness of the fact that no one is perfect, every human being born of a woman have their strength and weakness.

So save yourself from unnecessary sexual pressure by avoiding unnecessary dating!

If at all you want to date, then date your husband. That is weird isn’t it? Smiles!!!  What do I mean by this, until you are sure of a person to be your husband, until he has proposed, until you have gotten both parents blessing, until you have gotten the blessing of your pastor if you are a Christian there is absolute know need for dating ( though there might be some exceptions).

As Christians there are better ways of knowing who your husband/wife is. Thank God for the gift of the Holy Spirit and the privilege to pray (communicating with God about this very important aspect of your life is wise, it should be the first thing you do before anything else). Dating will not do that job. In fact a good friendship does a better job in knowing who your partner is than the so called dating.

I have seen those who are victims of prolonged dating that never ended in marriage. Wasting all their time in college with a particular person, restricting themselves from meeting other prospective partners and after as long as 4-5yrs in some cases ten years then one partner leaves to marry another leaving the other heart broken and single. In most cases the victims of these scenarios are majorly ladies. I know guys are victims of this too, but the percentage is lesser compared to that of ladies.

So be wise! Don’t waste your life and time on useless dating. Especially you my single ladies!! This is totally my opinion, you might not agree with me and that is ok. You can live your comments, arguments in the comments section; let me also know your opinion on this.

For me, as a matter of fact I don’t believe in dating. I cannot and I will not date anyone expect my husband. What do I mean by that, until I am ready for marriage, gotten a confirmation from God that this person is my husband, gotten my father’s and pastor’s blessing, (I mean go ahead) I won’t date him. That is exactly what I have done. Wedding bells ringing….

#DateYourHusband!!!

By Dr. Bien Sufficient

Dr. Bien Sufficient is a Medical Doctor, Pastor, Writer and a Public Speaker.
President @Kingdom Lifestyle Movement.